Strong Verbs (27b)

Use linking verbs (is, are, were, be, was, seems, etc.) to define terms, but when not needed, avoid these verbs because they often result in wordy sentence structures and "weak," unexciting prose. Linking verbs often come to mind first, and thus they appear frequently in early drafts but should be exchanged for more apt word choices in revision.

Notice the difference actions verbs can make in writing.

a. There are thirty women who are registered for the door prize.

b. Thirty women registered for the door prize.

Revise the following sentences with strong verbs. Note that you can’t simply replace the weak verb with the strong verb, you’ll need to revise the entire sentence.

1. There is one more store I have to go to before I drive home.

2. There were only two delegates representing the student body at the meeting to nominate a new college president.

3. One crucial scene that appears in both films is Joan of Arc’s burning at the stake.

For more practice turn to Editing Exercises 1 and 2 on pages 394-395 of your handbook.

Active Voice (27c)

Active voice emphasizes the actor rather than the action and/or the acted upon and usually results in more direct, less wordy sentences. Avoid passive voice except when you don’t know the actor, when the actor is not important, when you are trying to protect the actor, or when the action or acted upon needs special emphasis.

Notice the difference active voice can make in writing.

a. The personal conversations of her friends were taped by Mandy Alexander.

b. Mandy Alexander taped the personal conversations of her friends.

Revise the following sentences into active voice. Add subjects when necessary.

1. The student was taken to the office and reminded of the new school policy by the principal.

2. That poem was written by the author of a bestselling children’s book.

3. Joan of Arc is eventually set ablaze after being convicted of heresy by the church.

For more practice turn to Editing Exercises 3 and 4 on pages 399-400 of your handbook.

Conciseness (28a-d)

Eliminate unnecessary words and phrases in revision. Revise sentences that repeat information, that contain vague adjectives (good, nice) or adverbs (really, very), or that contain unnecessary expressions (the fact of the matter).

Notice the difference revising for conciseness can make in writing.

a. The kind of apartment we are looking to rent is the kind that has hardwood floors and laundry facilities.

b. We are looking to rent an apartment with hardwood floors and laundry facilities.

Revise the following sentences for conciseness.

1. The skirt is a muted brownish color with buttons that are black.

2. The University of Kentucky is known as a flagship university. It is known as a flagship university because of the research and teaching that occurs there.

3. I have a very nice dog due to the fact that I have been sure to make a lot of time to train her.

For more exercises turn to Editing Exercises 1-6 on pages 411-416 of your handbook.

Clear Pronoun Reference (36a-e)

A pronoun replaces a specific noun, and you need to make sure 1) there is a specific preceding noun that the pronoun replaces 2) it is clear to you readers which noun the pronoun replaces. Vague pronouns such as this, that, it, you, and we should be avoided unless they replace a preceding noun. The most common vague pronoun is this or that (see example below). Placing a noun after this or that (this policy, that lengthy assignment, or this comedy of errors) solves the problem; if you can’t find a noun phrase to place after this or that, you’ve got a vague pronoun.

Notice the difference in the following sentences

a. In Ireland, the Protestants and the Catholics have been fighting since the 1600’s. This is why peace is so illusive today.

b. In Ireland, the Protestants and the Catholics have been fighting since the 1600’s. This century old animosity is why peace is so illusive today.

Revise the following sentences, eliminating vague pronouns. Supply the noun when necessary.

1. When I lost my visa card, they immediately cancelled my account and issued me a new one.

2. She routinely relays constituent complaints to the congressman. It is an important part of her job.

3. In Shirley Jackson’s novel, she presents reality as more absurd than insanity. That is why Jenna, my weird roommate, loves her work. (Note: two vague pronouns in this example.)

For more practice turn to Editing Exercises 1-6 on pages 541-548 of your handbook.

Transitions Between Sentences (23c)

Sentences must be connected to the sentences surrounding them so that readers are carried smoothly from one idea to the next and so that readers know how the idea in each sentence relates to the larger purpose of the paragraph and of the essay. Therefore, a sentence should contain something "old" (a pronoun, noun, or transitional expression) that links it with the previous sentence. A list of transitional expressions can be found on page 118 of the handbook.

Notice the difference in the following sentences.

a. Finding food and shelter is the main concern of most homeless children. Regular schooling is often neglected.

b. Finding food and shelter is the main concern of most homeless children. For this reason, regular schooling is often neglected.

Revise the following passage, adding transitional devices. You may have to recast sentences and even combine sentences.

1. Police brutality is a growing problem in many towns and cities. Police officers are underpaid, under-trained, under-respected, and overworked. They often are frustrated. Suspects arrested feel the brunt of police frustration. These people are often overtly hostile towards the police while having little power to complain. In Austin, Texas, a woman was beaten after spitting at an officer arresting her for drug possession (Hailey 25). No charges were filed against the officer because "it came down to the word of a drug addict and a police officer" (25). Incidences of police brutality make the community more hostile towards police. Hostility creates more police resentment that results in more brutality. It is a vicious cycle.

For more practice, turn to Editing Exercises 6 and 7 on page 342 of your handbook.

Untagged and Tagged Ideas (16d)

By convention, in an academic argument untagged ideas belong to the writer. The reader knows that an argument is the writer’s opinion, so there is no need to qualify ideas and sentences with tag phrases such as I think, in my opinion, it seems to me, I feel etc. Writing sounds stronger and more assured without such tags. (Do be sure to tag all ideas that are not your own, giving credit where credit is due). Refer to yourself only when using personal narrative to support an argument and when modeling reactions for your readers

Notice the difference in the following sentences.

a. I believe that patients should be given the opportunity to choose their own treatment plan, whatever the cost.

b. Patients should be given the opportunity to choose their own treatment plan, whatever the cost.

Revise the following sentences, removing "tags" when necessary.

1. Social critic Mattie James argues that the media presents women with unrealistic body images, lowering their self-esteem (44). However, it seems to me that because most women know that these images are unrealistic, any such psychological effect is nullified.

2. In my opinion, every child should have the opportunity to learn responsibility by caring for a pet.

3. I have seen first hand the terrible effects of divorce, and, in my opinion, parents should consider all their options before taking such a drastic step.

For more practice, turn to Writing Exercise 6 on page 244 of your handbook.