UKAT 2002-2003 ACF
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Chattanooga Center of the Known Universe V, Team A
| Player |
Games |
Tossups |
Interrupts |
TU/I |
PPG |
| Seth |
8 |
44 |
4 |
11.00 |
52.50 |
| Robert |
8 |
33 |
11 |
3.00 |
34.38 |
| Richardson |
9 |
5 |
0 |
-- |
6.25 |
Chattanooga Center of the Known Universe V, Team B
| Player |
Games |
Tossups |
Interrupts |
TU/I |
PPG |
| Kelly |
8 |
74 |
12 |
6.17 |
85.00 |
Chattanooga Center of the Known Universe V, Team C
| Player |
Games |
Tossups |
Interrupts |
TU/I |
PPG |
| Will |
8 |
14 |
0 |
-- |
17.50 |
| Nathan |
8 |
11 |
0 |
-- |
13.75 |
| Nate |
8 |
13 |
10 |
1.30 |
10.00 |
| Todd |
8 |
5 |
1 |
5.00 |
5.63 |
A congerie of factors - including the inordinate amount of trash in the packets, enormous
delays between games, really excellent play by the teams in the field, and really poor play by
the UKAT - led to a disappointing COTKU for the team, with both the Division I teams going 5-3
and losing in the first round of the playoffs (Kentucky B falling to Emory in a shootout,
Kentucky A to eventual tournament victors Florida) and the Division II team finishing 2-6 in
its bracket. Lowlights abound, but there were some highlights as well: Kelly's MVP and Seth's
5th place All-Star, the winning of two dollars from Freeburg (after Seth bet him a dollar he
couldn't go the whole day without an over-four interrupt game, then going double-or-nothing),
getting to know new teammate Nate Rice on the way down, and the return of Vernon Davenport
(from old-school South Carolina) to the circuit. There was fun to be had, but it's better to
chalk this one up to a learning experience and put it behind us.
ACF Fall Tournament Midsouth at Knoxville, Team A
| Player |
Games |
Tossups |
Interrupts |
TU/I |
PPG |
| Seth |
11 |
83 |
4 |
20.75 |
73.64 |
| Robert |
11 |
64 |
14 |
4.36 |
49.09 |
ACF Fall Tournament Midsouth at Knoxville, Team B
| Player |
Games |
Tossups |
Interrupts |
TU/I |
PPG |
| Nate |
9 |
32 |
9 |
3.56 |
30.56 |
| Will |
9 |
29 |
8 |
3.63 |
27.73 |
| Christy |
9 |
2 |
0 |
-- |
2.22 |
| Rachel |
8 |
0 |
0 |
-- |
0.00 |
ACF Fall Tournament Midsouth at Knoxville, Team C
| Player |
Games |
Tossups |
Interrupts |
TU/I |
PPG |
| Richardson |
9 |
45 |
8 |
5.62 |
45.56 |
| Nathan |
9 |
11 |
1 |
11.00 |
11.67 |
| Rebecca |
9 |
9 |
3 |
3.00 |
8.33 |
The shrill screaming from certain cretins on the Yahoo! quizbowl group notwithstanding, this
turned out to be another exceptionally well-edited, accessible-yet-challenging tournament
(and if you say otherwise, you're lying) from master editor Kelly McKenzie. In the rarefied
air of pure ACF, the UKAT did fairly well; the so-called "A" team, able to score to its
potential without having to sift through mountains of trash, pulled off the win by running the
table, while the stupidly-named "C" team (anchored by an unshadowed Richardson, who feasted on
the available tossups) went 3-6 and the "B" team (led by Nate, who seems to be bringing his
interrupts under control) went 2-7. Lowlights, unfortunately, exist, in the form of teams who
bailed out before the end of the tournament and thus caused delays in setting up and taking
down of buzzers (how professional) and an ugly incident between South Carolina and our "C"
team; highlights, however, are in much greater abundance, including the awards of all-stars to
both Seth and Bob (Carol counted playoff stats and factored in the shadow effect; it didn't
hurt that Paik and Toby from Sewanee were already gone), the excellent play of the younger
teams, the Vanderbilt game, and, perhaps most pleasantly, the inebriated "getting-to-know-you"
session with new player Rachel. Congratulations to Riser, ACF High Queen Carol Guthrie, and
the other UTK crew for a well-run, thoroughly fun outing.
Illinois Open 2002: Urbana Renewal, Team "Assless Chaps"
| Player |
Games |
Tossups |
Interrupts |
TU/I |
PPG |
| Kelly |
8 |
66 |
10 |
6.60 |
54.50 |
| Seth |
8 |
26 |
2 |
13.00 |
31.25 |
| Robert |
8 |
23 |
5 |
4.60 |
25.63 |
For the conclusion of the fall semester, Assless Chaps (Kelly, Seth, and Robert) decided to
make a sojourn to Urbana-Champaign to sample the ACF to be provided by our good friends at the
University of Illinois. What we found there was excellent beyond all expectation: on packets
which were easy but thoroughly academic and for the most part expertly written, the team
played a well-run, well-moderated, and well-organised tournament to a victory. Highlights
abound, including Kelly's All-Star, a great game against Chicago, and hanging out with the
congenial Illinois folks; if there are any lowlights, they consist in the fact that none of us
knew that the Cortes was the legislative body of Spain, thus depriving us of the Grail
(19-0 otherwise; dammit, dammit,
son of a bitch) and the fact that offcial stats were exceedingly tardy, but since that's
the only thing that can be dredged up by way of a blemish, the result is pretty close to
perfect. Well done, Illinois. [Team name taken from press reports stating that former Rep.
Gary Condit (D-CA) had a penchant for assless black leather chaps. -Ed.]
Georgia Tech MLK Memorial, Team "Hot Shot City"
| Player |
Games |
Tossups |
Interrupts |
TU/I |
PPG |
| Kelly |
7 |
52 |
7 |
7.43 |
69.29 |
| Seth |
7 |
30 |
8 |
3.75 |
37.14 |
| Robert |
7 |
19 |
1 |
19.00 |
26.43 |
Inspired by the David Hasselhof smash hit (which we have been led to understand is
particularly good), "Hot Shot City" was able to turn in a particularly good performance at the
revived Georgia Tech MLK, reasserting our ownership of the South with an undefeated victory.
The panegyric directed at J.P.'s Illinois droogs easily apply to Saurabh, Webb and crew
at Georgia Tech as well, who provided easy but straightforward, throughly academic,
three-chord rock-and-roll packets and a field in which it seemed no team was a pushover; the
small number of games was thus offset by the fact that every game was a good one. A delightful
tournament at which no low points seem to exist (save the fact that Seth managed to turn on
the interrupt machine for an appalling number of five point penalties), highlights are too
numerous to mention, though the peaks include Kelly's all-star, the Vanderbilt and South
Carolina games, and getting to hang out with Jim Dendy, always a good time. [And don't
forget the tattooed gas station attendant who made that guy in leather and the Miata his
bitch. -Ed.]
Seriously, to whomever reads this: the ACF Fall, the Illinois Urbana Renewal, and the Tech MLK
should be sedulously imitated for all those who want to run a good tournament. The circuit
would do well to adopt these as the paradigms.
UT-Chattanooga Sword Bowl
| Player |
Games |
Tossups |
Interrupts |
TU/I |
PPG |
| Will |
10 |
30 |
4 |
7.50 |
28.00 |
| Manker |
10 |
26 |
4 |
6.50 |
24.00 |
| Nathan |
10 |
15 |
1 |
15.00 |
14.50 |
| Nate |
10 |
18 |
9 |
2.00 |
13.50 |
Note: Statistics include our opening round playoff loss, plus the statistics for the
round-robin given by the Steinhice staff at Sword Bowl, and your webmaster doesn't want to
sort out what's right and wrong.
Hopes were high as the UK Division II team consisting of Will, Manker, Nathan, and Nate rolled
towards Chattanooga with what we felt was a decent chance of winning the tourney, given that
Georgia Tech and Emory A were on the opposite side of the bracket. But it was not to be,
as we went 7-3 and lost to Middle Tennessee State in the opening round of the playoffs in a
shootout, finishing fifth of sixteen teams. (Congrats to the aforementioned teams, as Emory A
defeated Georgia Tech in a shootout for the title.)
Highlights from this trip include running off seven straight wins that clinched second in our
round-robin bracket; Nate being informed he was destined to die of lung cancer for smoking a
cigarette outside the Lake City, TN, McDonald’s by an old man who said the cancer sticks
killed his son; and the astute observation from Will at the same restaurant that led to the
heart of our team name, “Two Drunk Monkeys featuring Seth Kendall as Fat Elvis: The Rhinestone
Cowboy,” an amalgamation of all the team members’ imputs, but a name which nevertheless gave
Nate the fear that the quizbowl gods would smite us for playing with such a long team name.
The fear proved correct, as we blew our first two games, although by the Hammer of Grabthar we
were avenged with two wins over Vanderbilt — good people, looking forward to seeing them again.
Lowlights: Yeah, we played the same team three times in nine games. Who the hell designed this
round-robin anyways? Teams got free wins for a packet submission and wins for teams not
showing up. Argh. Had the UKAT dropped in the seedings from these atrocities, there would
assuredly be much more bile written here. Also included are the close loss to Emory B in what
would have been overtime on Will’s erroneously-ruled incorrect answer. That win would have
given us the top seed in our bracket; the clusterfuck loss to Vanderbilt where we bageled five
bonuses of nine; the narrow shootout loss to MTSU, the usual over-giddiness at Steinhice
tourneys; and the dimly-illuminated fluorescent light in the bathroom at the King’s Lodge, our
standard haunt for Chattanooga tournaments.
ACF Midwest Regional 2003 at Chicago, Team A
| Player |
Games |
Tossups |
Interrupts |
TU/I |
PPG |
| Kelly |
13 |
86 |
16 |
5.38 |
60.00 |
| Seth |
13 |
39 |
5 |
7.80 |
28.08 |
| Robert |
13 |
30 |
7 |
4.29 |
20.38 |
| Richardson |
13 |
2 |
1 |
2.00 |
1.15 |
ACF Midsouth Regional at UT-Chattanooga, Team B
| Player |
Games |
Tossups |
Interrupts |
TU/I |
PPG |
| Jack |
10 |
32 |
14 |
2.29 |
25.00 |
| Will |
10 |
19 |
2 |
9.50 |
18.00 |
| Manker |
10 |
16 |
6 |
2.67 |
13.00 |
| Nathan |
10 |
6 |
1 |
6.00 |
5.50 |
For this year's Regionals the greybeards decided to head up to an abominably cold
Chicago, where it did combat with the crême de la crême of what is without doubt the
strongest region in the country. It is difficult to say that the team acquitted itself well,
seeing as how it lost two games during the round robin and two more in the playoffs to acquire
a second-place standing. Under such circumstances, highlights were limited, but some exist, in
the form of the nicer surroundings of the building chosen as the tournament, Kelly's MVP
award, and the lovely view presented during the Loyola/Northwestern game. Better luck next
year, perhaps.
In the meantime, the team was able to field a younger contingent to the slightly more
youth-friendly UTC, where the lack of a second division meant receiving musket fire head-on
from southern powerhouses like Florida and Georgia Tech. Under such circumstances the somewhat
lackluster 4-6 record is more respectable, especially in light of the fact that their leading
scorer, Jack, was playing in his very first intercollegiate competition, and in that field
with those questions his 25 ppg are impressive indeed. All in all, there is much that is
encouraging in their performance, even if the team's collective tossup-to-interrupt ratio of
just over three is almost too painful to report.
Wildcat Invitational Tournament 3: Ernest Needs a Kidney, Team "A"
| Player |
Games |
Tossups |
Interrupts |
TU/I |
PPG |
| Seth |
7 |
62 |
3 |
20.67 |
86.43 |
Wildcat Invitational Tournament 3: Ernest Needs a Kidney, Team B
| Player |
Games |
Tossups |
Interrupts |
TU/I |
PPG |
| Jack |
4 |
10 |
3 |
3.33 |
21.25 |
| Richardson |
5 |
6 |
2 |
3.00 |
10.00 |
| Will |
3 |
3 |
0 |
-- |
10.00 |
| Chad |
3 |
3 |
1 |
3.00 |
8.33 |
| Todd |
4 |
2 |
1 |
2.00 |
3.75 |
| Nathan |
5 |
2 |
1 |
2.00 |
5.00 |
| Manker |
1 |
1 |
1 |
1.00 |
2.50 |
After a horrible week of power outages from ice storms and qualifying exams,
Kelly ran another superb tournament in the form of the third WIT, and once again Seth managed
to use his alliance with the powers of darkness to secure a spot in the field as a solo team.
If possible, this year's field was even stronger than the last, with such excellent teams as
Chicago (who won it; congratulations), Illinois, Michigan, ISU, South Carolina, and Indiana
(a variable cast of the younger players from the UKAT rounding out the field) blasting away at
each other on Kelly's excellent packets. Appropriately relegated to the bottom bracket after
the initial round robin, Seth made the most of his ineptitude and ended the day with a 5-5
record, while the B team showed great courage in taking its beatings at the hands of such
excellent teams. Lowlights, if they exist, include a narrow loss to ISU, Richardson's exit due
to illness, some initial logistical problems, and Kelly's near murder at the hands of Seth's
wife for an unfortunate bonus at his expense; highlights, however, include seeing Kelly
running and shrieking like a little girl in the face of her Irish fury, Seth's
tournament-leading average, and another solid performance from Jack Challis at his second
tournament.
The Auspicious Incident at Michigan, Team A
| Player |
Games |
Tossups |
Interrupts |
TU/I |
PPG |
| Kelly |
12 |
74 |
19 |
3.89 |
53.75 |
| Seth |
12 |
32 |
3 |
10.67 |
25.42 |
| Robert |
12 |
17 |
8 |
2.13 |
10.83 |
"Auspicious" derives from the ancient practice of taking "auspices", or omens, to determine
future success. Had the UKAT decided to watch the heavens for signs, Pontifex-Maximus-style,
it might have been predicted that our performance would be inauspicious indeed; rather,
"haruspicious" (deriving from "haruspicy", to tell the future by animal entrails) might have
been a better term, as by and large the team was gutted and its viscera used to determine the
winners of this tournament. Amongst the many unfortunate events through which the team
stumbled were two Jolly Rogerings by the Stanford/Berkeley team (who won the tournament;
congratulations, especially to the redoubtable Roger Bhan for his first win), a dreadful game
against the Michigan/Sorice Bastards (with Seth's 0-3 magnum opus easily ranking as the worst
game of his career), Robert's most uncharacteristically horrible scoring [Worst tournament
ever, in terms of scoring and TU/I ratio, I must interject. -Ed.], and two 6-4 games for
Kelly; highlights, if they exist, include the airtight organization, good reading, Kelly's
second place all-star, a thoroughly uncomfortable discussion on musicals on the way up [To
which I contributed the least, thus outwardly reinforcing my masculinity and heterosexuality.
-Ed.], extended conversations on the adventures of Chaz (don't ask), and a stop at the
Hustler store outside Cincinnati.
Yeah, the spring semester sucks pretty hard.
ACF Nationals at Georgia Tech, Team "Bachelorette Party Biker Cops"
| Player |
Games |
Tossups |
Interrupts |
TU/I |
PPG |
| Kelly |
10 |
72 |
12 |
6.00 |
66.00 |
| Seth |
10 |
31 |
1 |
31.00 |
30.50 |
| Robert |
10 |
23 |
1 |
23.00 |
22.50 |
| Chad |
10 |
1 |
0 |
-- |
1.00 |
The semester-long decline in our skills, coupled with a lack of effort on our part to do much
of anything about it, led the team (with the bitterness triplets joined by Chad so that we
might pick up some much-needed science knowledge) to believe that we would be fortunate to
finish third at this year's Nationals. Despite this dire prediction, however, we managed to
emerge from the round-robin bracket play undefeated, though it turns out nothing could evade
Astraea's watchful eye and we fell in the playoffs, first to Michigan, and finally in a
heartbreaking overtime loss to eventual champions Berkeley (congratulations to them),
leading to a prophesied third-place finish. Damn. On the other hand, save for a ghastly game
against Harvard we all played fairly well on excellent questions (play which resulted in MVP
honors for Kelly), enjoyed the camaraderie of some of the game's most elite players, past and
present, and were pleased by the excellent reading and genial company of the tournament staff,
with the result that the fun derived from the tournament far outweighs the sourness of our
disappointing finish; congratulations to Bhan, Saurabh, Webb, et multi alii who made
this tournament a great success.
Moon Pie Classic at UT-Chattanooga, Team "Reach-Around: The Musical"
| Player |
Games |
Tossups |
Interrupts |
TU/I |
PPG |
| Kelly |
8 |
85 |
16 |
5.31 |
96.25 |
Moon Pie Classic at UT-Chattanooga, Team "Hate Capades"
| Player |
Games |
Tossups |
Interrupts |
TU/I |
PPG |
| Seth |
8 |
54 |
6 |
9.00 |
63.75? |
| Richardson |
8 |
14 |
1 |
14.00 |
16.88 |
Moon Pie Classic at UT-Chattanooga, Team "C"
| Player |
Games |
Tossups |
Interrupts |
TU/I |
PPG |
| Chad |
8 |
35 |
5 |
7.00 |
40.63 |
| Manker |
8 |
16 |
9 |
1.77 |
14.38 |
| Nathan |
8 |
11 |
0 |
-- |
13.75 |
| Todd |
8 |
9 |
0 |
-- |
11.25 |
Moon Pie Classic at UT-Chattanooga, Team "D"
| Player |
Games |
Tossups |
Interrupts |
TU/I |
PPG |
| Will |
8 |
25 |
0 |
-- |
31.25 |
| Nate |
8 |
15 |
10 |
1.50 |
12.50 |
| Rebecca |
8 |
6 |
0 |
-- |
7.50 |
| Christy |
8 |
2 |
0 |
-- |
2.50 |
Critics and defenders of modern ACF would do well to acquire the questions used at this year's
Moon Pie Classic, which had a feel quite similar to tournaments of the early nineties. Those
who (often justly) abhor the difficulty of modern packets would be pleased at the augmented
accessibilty of these sets; on the other hand, players spoiled by the more modern methods of
tossup construction and placement of clues would blanch at the manifest deficiencies to be
found in those areas and would be appalled at the number of repeats (and by repeats, this
means that at least once per packet a tossup or bonus part would contain word for word clues
and answers found in an earlier tossup or bonus part). On such questions at least three of the
four UK teams (two per division) who travelled to UTC played fairly well: Kelly (solo star
of "Reach-Around: The Musical" and Division I MVP) ended up in a four-way quadrangle of death
at the top of Division I, but as a result of bad luck in the playoffs managed to end up in
fourth place; Chad (who earned a Division II all-star for his excellent play), Manker, Nathan,
and Todd also took fourth place in Division II, while Christy, Nate, Rebecca, and Will went
3-5 in round-robin bracket play but could easily have gone 5-3 if more last-tossup games had
gone their way. That leaves only "Hate Capades", which skated to a nauseating 1-7 finish
salved only by the fact that its sole win was the best game of Seth's career (14-1, which
considerably aided his acquisition of the third-place All-Star award; Richardson also went 2-0
in that game). Highlights other than those mentioned are hard to come by, though they would
include playing against Dendy and King, sightseeing in the UTC games, Seth finally getting
thirty points on a bonus related to Judaism, and the fact that outside of the tournament we
all had a good time carousing the night before; lowlights other than those mentioned are
unfortunately in abundance, principal among which being the torrential downpour on the way and
a dreadful Kentucky-Kentucky game in Division I which thankfully was won by Kelly on the
tiebreak (thus bolstering his standings in the playoffs instead of giving the other team a
useless second win).
With that, the 2002-2003 season ends; Spring semester, it must be observed again, continues to
suck.