UKAT 2004-2005 ACF

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Heinrich Bowl at Georgia Tech, Team A
Player Games Tossups Interrupts TU/I PPG
Seth 7 78 3 26.00 109.29


Heinrich Bowl at Georgia Tech, Team B
Player Games Tossups Interrupts TU/I PPG
Chad 7 37 9 4.11 46.43
Will 7 16 3 5.33 20.71
Gerald 7 11 1 11.00 15.00


Heinrich Bowl at Georgia Tech, Team C
Player Games Tossups Interrupts TU/I PPG
Ryan 7 25 7 3.51 30.71
Dana 7 6 5 1.20 5.00
Miranda 7 2 1 2.00 2.14


Heinrich Bowl at Georgia Tech, Team D
Player Games Tossups Interrupts TU/I PPG
Michael 8 43 10 4.30 47.50
Neal 8 9 2 4.50 10.00
Erin 8 8 1 8.00 9.38
Lyle 8 2 3 0.67 0.62


There is no denying that the Georgia Tech team has talent, and in the past has been responsible for running tournaments which have ranged from the competent (Summer of 2003's NATSSO, 2004's MLK) to the fairly excellent (2003's MLK). It is, perhaps, for reasons such as this that, when they drop the ball badly (as at last year's Heinrich Bowl, for example), it is all the more frustrating; their organisation is clearly capable of better, and the contrast between what they could have done and the actual tournament presented is difficult to bear.

As may be anticipated from such a preamble, it is regrettable to have to report that this year's Heinrich Bowl was in truth a disappointment even if not the utter catastrophe that last year's incarnation was. Delays between games bordered on the geologic-epochal, packet quality declined precipitously as the day went on, the statistics were not posted (and in fact were not completed for Division I by tournament's end, thus depriving its all-stars from receiving their awards at the actual tournament itself; they have been since been compiled and released), and despite having enough packets there were no playoff games, with the result that Kentucky A, with its 5-2 record, came in second to Emory, who finished 6-1 and a gained the tournament victory with only a one-game advantage (in fairness, Seth not only lost to them in the round-robin but almost certainly would have lost to them had there been playoffs, so no rancor is directed at Emory and in fact they are to be congratulated for their wins in both Divisions). Clearly, Tech was capable of better, and it is perhaps best to leave it at that. Besides, there was much good to be taken away from the event: Seth had the best game of his career (16-0 against Vanderbilt) and his personal best scoring average of 109 ppg, enough for Div I MVP; Kentucky B played very well (it beat Kentucky A, for example, and finished fifth overall), Gerald had a personal high in individual statistics, and Chad's play earned him a third-place All-Star (his best finish in Div I); Kentucky C saw the début performance of Ryan, whose 31 ppg was thoroughly excellent; and Kentucky D finished fourth and witnessed the scoring pyrotechnics of Michael, whose 47.50 ppg earned him a Div II second-place all-star and was the highest scoring average of any first tournament performance in UKAT history. So, on balance the tournament was not a net loss, and the UKAT can take away from it encouraging signs for what may be a good year with this year's team.


Center of the Known Universe VII at UT-Chattanooga, "Hourglass Full of Evil"
Player Games Tossups Interrupts TU/I PPG
Seth 8 85 8 10.63 101.25


Center of the Known Universe VII at UT-Chattanooga, "Electric Tabletime"
Player Games Tossups Interrupts TU/I PPG
Chad 8 47 9 5.22 53.13
Gerald 8 11 2 5.50 12.50
Semones 8 6 0 N/A 7.50
Dana 8 4 5 0.80 1.88


After a week heavy-laden with personal difficulties, personnel reshuffling, and travel vicissitudes, a very pared-down crew of five from the UKAT piled into a rented car and made the trip southerly to Chattanooga, where it split into two teams for the next day's festivities. Playing on packets whose quality ranged from the fair to the execrable, "Electric Tabletime" (whose name taken from a conversation in the car about a former team-mate's taste in pornography combined with something interesting found on the internet) played fairly well, finishing with a 3-5 record (exact placement is as yet unknown, as stats and results have yet to be released), while "Hourglass Full of Evil" (taken from a description of something in some stupid video game which seemed suitable based on Seth's advanced age and unpleasant disposition) finished with a 5-3 record, lost the first playoff game, and conceded the second to take fourth place. Less than illustrious, perhaps, and lowlights abound in the form of the third packet (coinciding with Seth's terrible game against Virginia Tech) and a particularly heinous packet whose tossup answers included "pressure points", "New Math", and "sliced bread" (I kid you not); however, highlights might very well outnumber them and include more fine dining at the Acropolis, a rare burst of humor from Dana, watching Full Metal Jacket in the hotel room, and a fourth place All-Star for Chad and an MVP for Seth. So, that's that; maybe next tournament will be better.


ACF Fall Tournament at the University of Tennessee, "Full-Throttle Aristotle"
Player Games Tossups Interrupts TU/I PPG
Seth 8 94 7 13.43 113.12


ACF Fall Tournament at the University of Tennessee, "The Patriot"
Player Games Tossups Interrupts TU/I PPG
Chad 8 46 5 9.20 54.38
Will 8 18 1 18.00 21.88
Gerald 8 12 4 3.00 12.50


ACF Fall Tournament at the University of Tennessee, Team D
Player Games Tossups Interrupts TU/I PPG
Michael 8 29 7 4.14 31.88
Ryan 8 25 5 5.00 28.12
Neal 8 3 1 3.00 3.12
Miranda 8 3 4 .75 1.25


ACF Fall Tournament at the University of Tennessee, Team C
Player Games Tossups Interrupts TU/I PPG
Charlie 8 18 2 9.00 21.25
Nathan 8 13 0 N/A 16.25
Dana 8 9 2 4.50 10.00


Note: Official stats have not been released yet, though Seth had obtained a printed copy of those stats from which the write-up is drawn. Exact placement of two of the four teams is uncertain, and changes will be made to this account should errors be found later.

For the last three years the ACF Fall has been the event most eagerly anticipated by the UKAT, since the editing prowess of Kelly McKenzie had guaranteed that the tournament would be a well-edited, thoroughly academic, and perfectly accessible affair that would coax inspired performances from the various teams it fielded. Having won it the last three years, the UKAT thus had a triumphant past with the Fall and was eager to see if it could rival its former glory while at the same time evaluating how closely the product of Kelly's successors would match the unblemished perfection he had achieved. With this in mind four teams made the short trip to Knoxville, and - after a previous evening of book shopping and drunken antics - met its competition on Saturday.

At the end of the tournament all of the teams enjoyed a measure of success: the "C" team played tight and clean and saw career high scoring totals from Dana and Charlie; the B team (playing as "The Patriot"; don't ask) featured solid points production from Gerald and Will supporting Chad, whose own efforts were crowned with a fourth-place individual accolade; the "D" team witnessed more outstanding play from Michael and Ryan helped by Neal and Miranda, which led to a fourth place finish that is all the more remarkable for the fact that the entire team was composed of first-year players; and Kentucky A (playing as "Full-Throttle Aristotle") lost in the round-robin and again in the playoffs to secure second place behind tournament victors Vanderbilt A (congratulations to them). So, while unable to attain the pinnacle it reached the last three years, the UKAT still performed well; likewise, the questions were mostly very good (complaints of the preponderance of biochemistry seemed the only negative comment voiced), even if a biased Kentucky crew still prefers Kelly's questions. Otherwise, additional highlights include Dana's respectable TU/I of 4.5 and Nathan's stainless tournament (no interrupts); the "D" team's victory over "The Patriot", enabling it to finish with a higher tournament standing than the more experienced team; Seth's 16-0 mauling of that self-same "D" team (the recipients of said beatings might both voice doubts as to the extent to which these could be called "highlights", of course), and his personal best 113 PPG average, enough to merit the tournament's MVP award. Lowlights do exist, in the form of a frustrating start of the day for Will, Miranda's, Gerald's, and Seth's late-day interrupt sprees, and the fact that three of the four vehicles were delayed on the way back by the explosion of a truck-borne Crystal Meth lab which closed the roads. All in all, however, a good time seems to have been had by all.


Illinois Open: Philosophy of Spite, "Open up; it's ..."
Player Games Tossups Interrupts TU/I PPG
Seth 8 41 6 6.83 47.50
Chad 8 19 2 9.5 22.50
Gerald 8 0 0 N/A 0.00


Note: The stats posted by the tournament staff included playoff numbers, though Seth obtained a copy of round-robin numbers and has based this report on those.

In terms of the caliber of the teams to be found therein, there can be no question that the Midwest is the crown jewel of the academic competition circuit: up north, players stab tossups on giveaway clues far faster than anywhere else, and they seem to like their questions hard and purely academic. In such an environment the UKAT, having spent its entire season in the easier confines of the Southeast, had a fairly tough time of it; on packets where an excellent tossup on "The Claudii" or "Unbearable Lightness of Being" could be followed with yet another disappointing question on some Spanish-speaking author or nineteenth-century philosopher, the UKAT finished the day in fourth place and was glad of that. Highlights include music lessons on the ride up, "sight-seeing" in the UIC game, an excellent team effort to defeat Wesley Matthews in the round-robin, Chad's fine play (he somehow managed to avoid sitting there "with his white (?) emofag fro blowing in the wind" and registered a respectable 22.5 PPG), and most-overrated player and "Witchfucker" Seth's avoidance of going to shit on challenging academic questions and roping in a fourth place individual accolade with his 47.5 PPG. Lowlights include a crushing loss to eventual tournament-winners Chicago (congratulations to them), extraordinarily high interrupt totals for Seth, and a frustrating day statistically for Gerald. Still, a learning experience; time to move on.

With that, the Fall campaign is concluded. On to the spring...


ACF Southeast Regional at UT-Chattanooga, Team A, "Abracadaver"
Player Games Tossups Interrupts TU/I PPG
Seth 11 109 8 13.63 95.45


ACF Southeast Regional at UT-Chattanooga, Team B, "Chrussy And The Pantographs"
Player Games Tossups Interrupts TU/I PPG
Chad 11 59 5 11.80 51.36
Jonathan 11 8 2 4.00 6.36
Miranda 11 2 0 N/A 1.82


ACF Southeast Regional at UT-Chattanooga, Team C
Player Games Tossups Interrupts TU/I PPG
Will 11 39 4 9.75 33.64
Ryan 11 29 10 2.90 21.82
Gerald 11 8 5 1.60 5.00


ACF Southeast Regional at UT-Chattanooga, Kelly/Rose
Player Games Tossups Interrupts TU/I PPG
Kelly 11 120 26 4.62 97.27
Rose 11 11 2 5.50 9.09


During this season’s Southern Campaign the UKAT has enjoyed a respectable amount of success but has kept falling just short of a tournament victory: the Division I team placed second at Tech’s ill-fated Heinrich Bowl and at ACF Fall, for example, while its de facto Division II team finished second in its Division at the Fall (and indeed came in second amongst all-undergraduate teams). Conscious of this, the team sent three squads to UTC as defending ACF Regionals champions along with an exhibition team consisting of its prodigal powerhouse (and last year’s solo-team winner) Kelly, who decided to forego his eligibility to play on an “official” team to join forces with honorary team member Rose. After a previous evening enlivened by an incredibly good haul at the bookstore, more excellent repast at the Acropolis, and some alleged herbal entertainment, on the next morning the UKAT found itself divided amidst the two brackets into which the field had been split. In one, the “C team” (Will, Ryan, and Gerald) finished fourth with a 4-3 record that included something of an upset over Georgia Tech, and the Rose/Kelly Hybrid finished third, having incurred losses to Vanderbilt and by a freak occurrence that selfsame Georgia Tech, while in the other the “B” team (Chad, Jonathan, and Miranda) finished third and “Abracadaver” (Seth playing solo) finished first. Though prepared to yield their spot as an exhibition team, the early departure of Georgia Tech mean that Kelly/Rose joined the rest of the UKAT in the playoffs whose final outcome was a seventh place overall/second undergraduate showing for Kentucky C, sixth place overall but first place amidst undergraduates for Kentucky B, fifth place for Kelly and Rose, and due to holding a one game lead and a head-to-head victory over South Carolina, the tournament win going to Seth. Thus, after near-misses all season, the team finally managed two victories in the same event.

That said, the ultimate outcome of the tournament was somewhat unfortunate, in that South Carolina’s only other loss was to the exhibition team whose record should not have counted for the tournament title. Like the class acts they have always been, South Carolina did not protest (the lateness of the hour may have helped), especially since the early departure of Georgia Tech meant that the Director was left with little choice but to include the exhibition team in the playoffs. Such was the principal lowlight, while others concern the lack of posted stats, the fact that statistics from the playoffs were for some reason counted in the overall tournament stats (this practice really, really needs to stop), Seth’s dreadful games against Auburn, UTC, and Vanderbilt, and that unprecedented loss to Georgia Tech on Seth’s packet for Kelly/Rose. Highlights by far outnumber it, however, and include the high finish of all the teams, the always-delightful company of Rose, the unofficial MVP for Kelly and the official MVP for Seth, and decorations for Chad, Will, and Ryan. By no means a flawless victory, the UKAT nevertheless registered its best performance of the season and is well-contented by it.
ACF Nationals at Northwestern University, "Giant Statue of Jesus Christ Jackhammering Mickey Mouse"
Player Games Tossups Interrupts TU/I PPG
Seth 12 74 4 18.50 60.00
Chad 12 25 2 12.50 20.00
Will 12 7 3 2.33 5.00
Gerald 12 1 1 1.00 0.42


Flushed from its victory at Regionals the UKAT tried out the novel tactic of practicing before this tournament in the attempt to prepare it for what was certain to be - and was - the most hard-core tournament any of its members had ever played. After a trying ride up but an excellent evening at the Springhill Suites (thanks to Gerald's mad hotel connections), the team would see the mixed results of its labors the next day: averaging about nine tossups (which were for the most part excellent) per game but only nine points per bonus (which were, on the whole, ridiculously hard), the team finished third in its bracket behind Chicago and Princeton and dropped into the second tier, finishing second in that to gain a ninth place overall final ranking, a somewhat disappointing finish but higher than predicted on the various "polls".

Highlights and lowlights undulate like the Mississippi in the summertime from this tournament: on the one hand the questions were very hard, but on the other the team did fairly well on the tossups (enough to earn third-place scoring honors for Seth); the tournament itself was grueling but the teams were mostly nice; the playoff packets were infuriatingly difficult (the match against Michigan B was a nightmare) but that was made much better by the great moderating and overall excellence of Leah Williams, who read all of the last six games for us and did much to lighten the mood (in fact, she was likely the best thing from the whole tournament); there was waaaaaay too much organic chemistry, of course, but the team had gotten so used to that in practice that we mostly were able to laugh at it; and while the stay over required by the lateness of the tournament's conclusion led to an idiotic amount of drinking by Seth, hanging out with cool cats like the Vanderbilt crew, the dry-witted Texas team, and Dan Passner during the tournament led to an overall pleasant affair. So, an overwhelmingly positive experience, and everyone seemed fairly happy; good times.


Moon Pie Classic at UT-Chattanooga, "Actin Mannish"
Player Games Tossups Interrupts TU/I PPG
Chad 9 53 7 7.57 55.00
Will 9 18 0 N/A 20.00
Ryan 9 22 10 2.20 18.89
Miranda 9 3 0 N/A 3.33


In accordance with tradition, rookies Ryan and Miranda joined grizzled veterans Chad and Will for the customary close of the UKAT's season, the legendary Moon Pie. Taking their name from a nerded-up version of a streetwise rap group with an awesome van, the team seems to have thoroughly enjoyed itself despite the unexpectedly difficult and poorly edited packets, deftly maneuvering its way through extremely close games against Virginia Tech, UTC A, and a Georgia Tech-based exhibition team to finish 7-2 and earn the Division I title. Highlights include hanging with (and somehow defeating) the evercool Chris Borglum, the intense competition (also featuring the incomparable Wesley Matthews), one awesome moderator, All-Stars for Ryan (5th) and Will (4th) and Chad (MVP), and - oh yeah - winning; what a treat for Chad's swan song. Lowlights (besides the horrifying preponderance of organic chemistry) include a whole lotta lame, a couple of truly cruel hoses, Chad negging tossups 18 and 19 of a game we lost by 5, and let's not forget the weather. These cannot blemish another wonderful experience masterminded by Charlie Steinhice, to whom we offer our gratitude.