Obituaries

A candlelight vigil was held Monday, March 8 at 9 pm in the amphitheater behind Memorial Hall in remembrance of Brad Pitt and Jennifer “Jen” Aniston’s marriage of four years. Pitt, 41, and Aniston, 35, were married in July of 2000 in a ceremony that cost over $1,000,000. The pair became famous for their work on television and film and for being exceptionally good looking. Sophomore Grace Connelly explained, “I was shocked when I found out. They looked so happy. I mean, Ben and J.Lo, sure, but never Brad and Jen. They were perfect for each other.” Senior Justine Last chimed in, “Seriously, if they can’t make it, who can?” Debate rages over the cause of the split. Some like Wood point to gothic temptress Angelina Jolie, but in all likelihood Aniston’s frigidity and failure as a woman was what did it. As sophomore Emily Poule said, “Maybe what we are really remembering is that when a man like Brad Pitt wants a baby, you better give it to him or else.” She later asserted, “I want babies.”

Memorials for the fourth-month anniversary of the divorce will be held on April 8 at the Student Center followed by viewings of Legends of the Fall, The Mexican, and Meet Joe Black.

Tsunami death toll rises to 240,774.

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