1. Try to arrive at class a few minutes late each day -- that way, the class (and Dr. Lane) will be sure to notice you.

2. Be sporadic in your attendance. It's not a good idea to "wear out your welcome," and Dr. Lane won't mind.

3. Class time is a good opportunity for catching up on your work in other courses. It can also be well-spent reading the newspaper, talking with a friend, or taking a nap. Dr. Lane loves to see his students using their time efficiently.

4. Avoid coming to class prepared. Reading the text in advance, for instance, means you'll lose a sense of spontaneity. You wouldn't want to "spoil" Dr. Lane's lecture, would you?

5. Dr. Lane is really flexible about assignment due dates. If you turn in something late, don't worry -- it actually helps him spread out his work load. Penalties? NEVER!!

6. Only the things Dr. Lane puts on the board or the overhead are important. Keep this in mind and you'll take fewer notes.

7. Don't participate in class unless Dr. Lane calls on you. It's rude to ask questions and inappropriate to express your opinions. Remember -- this is education, not a talk show.

8. When someone else asks a question in class, pay no attention. Dr. Lane will be happy to answer the exact same question when you ask it a minute later.

9. Inasmuch as this is only a communication course, don't worry about spelling, grammar, or punctuation in your written assignments -- that stuff is for English classes.

10. When you make spelling errors, inform Dr. Lane it's because you don't have a computer with a spell-checker. He certainly wouldn't expect you to use a dictionary, for heaven's sake.

11. Remember, personality is more important than performance. If Dr. Lane likes you, you're guaranteed a good grade.

12. Nobody, especially Dr. Lane, still believes "C" means "average." Simply come to class and you're guaranteed at least a "B."

13. If you're going to be absent, don't notify Dr. Lane in advance. Just show up several days later and ask, "Did I miss anything important?" (one of his favorite questions). Being the nice person he is, he won't hold you responsible for anything you missed while you were absent.

14. Here are some other of Dr. Lane's favorite comments:

    If you miss a question on an exam: "That's a trick question."

    If you do poorly on an assignment: "My mom (husband, dog, roommate) thought it was great."

    If you won't be in class: "I need to study for another course."

15. Don't bother Dr. Lane with questions during his office hours; he has work to do. Instead, approach him one minute before class and ask him to look over the assignment you've just written.

16. Dr. Lane needs help remembering what time it is, so begin packing your books five minutes before class is over. He will appreciate the reminder and be impressed with your concern.

17. Wait until you are at the crisis point before asking Dr. Lane for help; otherwise, he won't consider your problem important.

18. If you have a complaint or concern, don't discuss it with Dr. Lane -- he won't listen or try to understand (after all, he doesn't really believe in this communication stuff). Instead, talk about it with as many classmates as possible. Better yet, give Dr. Lane no clue that you are upset, then unload on him in your course evaluation. Now that's effective communication!

19. Don't drop by Dr. Lane's office to chat -- he's far too busy to be concerned about you. Remember, he's not in this profession because he loves working with students; he's in it for the money.

20. Don't pay atttention to this webpage or keep a copy of the syllabus; Dr. Lane didn't mean for you to take them seriously. He made this just to have something to talk about on the first day of class. Deposit the syllabus in the trash on the way out today.