News Archive

L.A. County Bowling League Power Rankings - July 26th
Rank	LW	Team
1	1	NoTalentAssClowns: Still in first place in the standings. Although the NTAC had seen their lead dwindle some in recent days (actually dropping into second place several times in the last week), they have surged to almost an 18-point lead. While the first week following the All-Star break wasn't their best (in terms of batting), their pitching continues to dominate. Schmidt (despite an awful start last time out), Santana, and a fresh-off-the-DL Kerry Wood round out what is arguably the most dominating top three in the Bowling League. The NoTalentAssClowns start the second frame of the season as the probative favorite to finish the year on top.
2	4	Pinstripes: Ah, the Pinstripes! While Baby A-Rod (see team logo) was roughed up by Baby Varitek over the weekend, the Pinstripes are still going strong! Scoffed at early in the season by many owners, the Pinstripes are somehow still near the top. After flirting with first place several times last week, the Pinstripes are currently sitting in 2nd, well within striking distance of the NTAC (although the last few days have seen the Clowns vault ahead again.) A trade with the Pomeranians has added a much needed steady bat in Guillen.
3	4	Marvin's Sloppy 2nds: Team Sloppy may soon change its name to Marvin's Sloppy Suspensions. Following Big Papi's gentle tossing of a few bats at the umpires last week, Brawny Man Jeff Kent proceeds to grab two fists full of an ump's uniform. While the Sloppies have arguably the best batting lineup in the Bowling League, these altercations will almost certainly cripple that lineup for a number of games. Team Sloppy did add Mulder to go alongside Curt Schilling, but they will need solid pitching performances from here on out to successfully defend the Bowling League Crown.
4	3	Hotsauce Villains: While some distance has come between the Villains and the Sloppies, Hotsauce remains very close to other teams in numerous categories. Still near the top of the standings despite an astounding 9 roster moves, this Anti-Gibler machine is proving that a Laizzes-Faire approach can work. Beltre has been great for the Villains following the Odalis Perez trade, and Team Hotsauce certainly has enough firepower to compete for the championship.
5	7	Logjammin': This team is one of the most interesting stories in the Bowling League this season. Falling near the cellar following a barrage of injuries to key players as the Nihilists, Poulette's group has risen like a Phoenix after changing their name to Logjammin'. Finally healthy (almost, now that Trot is back on the DL), Logjammin' has surged to a strong position in 5th place. With Giles and Chavez back from injury, this team has the tools to compete with the big boys (and girls) once again! The trade of Freddy Garcia from the ultra-hideous Mariners to the White Sox has helped as well.
6	6	Perestroika Pounders: The Pounders were crippled last season with countless injuries to key players, dropping them from their consistent top tier position. While this season has not been tainted by DL appearances, it has been compromised by underperforming superstars (Pedro, Zito - both having rough outings again tonight as I type). Now Giambi is suffering from a mystery illness that may render him useless for the rest of the fantasy season. This team is due for some good breaks from here on out. Given the surprising performances by Sheets and Carpenter, the Pounders will be very dangerous heading down the stretch, provided that Pedro and Zito return to form.
7	5	MauDL Squad: Wonders never cease! The MauDL Squad is down to only two players on the DL, amazingly leaving them with a full battery of healthy players. This healthy batting order is formidable, boasting an outfield of Sheffield, Damon, and Wells, with the soon-to-be-traded Walker and Berkman. Once Hudson and Miller return, and the Squad returns to its original Maud status, this team will have a pitching staff that equals its lineup.
8	9	Louisville Lean: The Lean have bounced between 5th and 9th for much of the season. This team has undergone quite a transformation over the last month. After starting the season with a deficiency at the closer position, this team clearly has the best closers in all of the Bowling League (Gagne, Rivera, and Lidge). Add to that the Big Unit (where is he going?) and the surprisingly good El Duque (very nice pickup), and the Lean have a solid pitching staff. While their lineup lacks the front-line power bat, this team is holding its own in the batting categories. By the way, what in the HELL is wrong with Andy Pettitte? This guy seems to pitch his way to the DL every time he finally makes it back to the mound! He left tonight's game with another injury after only an inning. Schmuck!
9	8	The Pomeranians: Showdogs! Many managers have stated that the Pomeranians have the best lineup in all of Los Angelees. The league standings confirm these feelings, as the Pomeranians are near the top of long balls, and climbing in other power numbers. Strong performances from Delgado, Sweaty Marvin Sosa, and the all-of-a-sudden-Ruthian Kevin Millar will help keep the Showdogs on the rise. The pitching for the Pomeranians remains uncertain, as this team lacks a deep lot of consistent starters. However, this team clearly has talented arms (although they also have a few complete headcases - Zambrano and Escobar). Solid pitching from here on out will determine will likely determine just how well this veteran team finished in the Bowling League.
10	10	The Golden Sombreros: Andale, Andale, Ariba, Ariba! Si los Sombreros Dorados desean escalar en los niveles de podera, los jugadores tienen que jugar con mas pasion! For them to climb in the standings, however, they will need their sleeping superstars to wake up (Bret Boone, I'm looking at you!) Sombreros owner Mark Sonka showed his managerial foresight, picking up Jose Vidro from the waiver wire (a hideous growth of a player on Team Sloppy, but a Golden superstar on the Sombreros...thanks a LOT Jose......not that I'm bitter.....at least that is what my therapist tells me!) Willy Mo Pena has also been a nice pickup! A healthy Prior and a rejuvenated Greg Maddux have proven to be the anchor of this pitching staff. Continued success from these Cubbies, along with strong showings from the supporting cast are a must for a rise in the standings.
11	12	The Marx Brothers: While Pujols is clearly having another MVP-esque season, few other Marx Brother batters are doing the same. While Lowell, Carlos Lee, Palmeiro, Garrett Anderson, and Varitek have been great at times, none has had the season that most people had expected. Sabathia has proven to be a savvy draft pick, and has performed at a top level all season. Most of the other starters on this team, however, have struggled mightily at times. Strong second halves from Millwood, Moyer, Traschel, etc. are important to the Marx Brothers finishing in a respectable position in their first season in the Bowling League.
12	11	Jackie Treestumps: Oh how the mighty have fallen! Since the inception of the fiercely competitive Bowling League, Jackie's boys have finished at or near the top of Mount Angelees (1st in 2002, 2nd in 2003). Now, the Treehorns/stumps have fallen all the way down to the base of the mountain. While this team looks decent on paper, it somehow remains in the 45 point range (although this is an improvement from last week's 38 point rock-bottom). In the last few days, the Stumps have begun to show some life, capped by tonight's power-filled effort (4HR, 13 RBI, 10 Runs, .324 BA thus far). While Halladay will be sitting out with a fatigued shoulder for the next few weeks, Bartolo Colon finally remembered how to find the strike zone without throwing it underhanded (as he apparently had been doing during the first half of the season). As with every team, consistency is a must if the Treestumps are to climb out of obscurity and towards their more familiar ground near the top of the leaderboard.

L.A. County Bowling League Power Rankings - April 26th
Rank	LW	Team
1	1	Pinstripes New logo, same position. The Pinstripes retain their perch at the top of Mount Power Rankings. After falling a bit early last week, the Pinstripes have regained the overall points lead in the League Standings. The pending trade (fourth time is the charm?) involving Piazza will bring a closer who is saving a LOT of games, and a bat that will pick up a LOT of steals. Improving in the two categories where they are the weakest keeps the Pinstripes on top, even as their precious Yankees are 4.5 games out. Oh, and it's worth pointing out that the starting pitching on this team had an AMAZING week. If their pitchers keep this up, get used to seeing the Pinstripes in this spot.
2	3	Marvin's Sloppy 2nds After surging to the top of the League Standings early in the week, the Sloppies have been just that, sloppy. No one is pitching to Barry, Schilling gave up a grand slam, Dontrelle actually surrendered an earned run. The addition of Hudson should help lower the Sloppies' ERA and WHIP, two categories where this team is lacking. To reach the summit of the Power Rankings, this teams needs some of their power bats to get going.
3	4	Perestroika Pounders "....and Once Pedro gets going, look out!" Ah, I love it when I appear smarter than I really am. Pedro did get going, just ask Vasquez (who pitched a gem only to be outdueled by Martinez). With his great start, he added some much needed quality innings to this pitching staff. The Pounders have surged in batting average, taking over the lead in that category after nearly all of their hitters had a solid week at the plate. If it weren't for a lousy start from Zito (where he gave up an unZito-like number of hits and runs), this team would be in even better shape. Pretty darn nice week from Nathan as well!
4	2	Jackie Treehorns Time machine or no time machine, the pickup of Vaynce Nix was downright creepy, right before his career day. In addition to Nix, Manny and Posada had particularly nice weeks at the plate for the Treehorns. While some of the Treehorns' starters had decent, but not great, games, Kerry Wood is looking like a machine. His last start (9 Ks in 7 shutout innings) was just filthy.
5	5	NoTalentAssClowns The NTAC have moved exactly nowhere in the Power Rankings for the week, the only team stuck in neutral. While owner Marc Hutchison is likely cursing his current position, at least they didn't slide. The trade for Webb and Reyes should help raise the NTAC's pathetic K/9 numbers, and bring some much coveted steals once Jose gets back from the DL. While the lineup provided some power (Pujols's obligatory two homers, among it), it has also displayed some pathetic batting performances. In true AssClown form, Edmonds had two homers...which were just about his only hits on the week(.167 BA). Cash chipped in a homer, but only two other hits (.143BA). And, Kaz Matsui added a robust .192BA, yet provided nothing in terms of power. In fact, this overhyped schmuck has hit exactly ZERO home runs since the first pitch of his first ML at-bat. If he isn't NoTalent material, I don't know who is! Oh wait, yeah I do....Joe Borowski!.
6 (Tee	9 Hee)	Gashouse Gorillas ARod finally started performing this week. His arrival, along with some good power numbers from Beltre, Sexson, and Jenkins have been the highlight of the Gorillas' lineup this week. The batting average across the board here have been the lowlight (.053 for kEARnS, .182 for Jenkins, .185 for Boone, .217 for Sexson, and .231 for Javy Lopez.) A nice week from Oswalt, Jerome Williams, and Gashouse's Closers were the pitching performances worth mentioning (in a positive context). The only really notable disappointment for the GGs is that Contreras continues to struggle, mightily.
7	8	Hotsauce Villains After apparently listening to "Everybody Hurts" on repeat for three days straight, the Villians have stepped back from the edge of Firesale Cliff and decided to hold onto its underperforming stars (Abreu, for one). Perhaps this is a sign of an Anthony Edge that is digging in for the long season. Bravo! Vinny Castilla apparently borrowed the Treehorns' Time Machine, and brought back his swing from 1996. His 10-game RBI streak is the batting highlight here. Abreu's .462 average over the last week is also noteworthy. On the pitching side, Russ Ortiz (another member of the Villians' team that nearly found himself a new home last week) had a nice start, and this staff had a relatively solid week in terms of WHIP and ERA. Oh, and David Wells is a fat slob!
8	6	The Nihilists This team is still waiting for the return of Nomah! and Trot. In the mean time, the rest of their bats seem to be warming up. Pierre has been hitting and running well, Ramirez continues his hot start, Vlad has been solid as usual, and the Nihilists picked up one of the hottest bats in the game in Bautista. The pitching stats for the week are deceiving, as brilliant numbers from Perez, Garcia, and Wolf were masked by the hideous performances of Myers, Riley, and Radke. Oh, and Vasquez had a great week, except for the curveball that he hung to Manny Ramirez (that was ever so promptly deposited into the bullpen in left field).
9	10	The Pomeranians The highlight of the week for the Showdogs surely has to be the trade they made with the Pinstripes. Both teams got what they needed, but the Pomeranians made out particularly well, getting to place Piazza into the roster spot that has been so generously warmed by Matt LeCroy's carcass. If Marte turns into the surefire closer in Chicago, this trade will work out extremely well for this team. As for the week's performance, the bats are starting to wake up (especially Delgado), Zambrano had a great start, and the pickup of Westbrook looks rather zesty at the moment.
10	12	The Marx Brothers It was an interesting week for the Marx Bros. in terms of batting. A 7 HR day vaulted this team in the Overall Standings, largely due to Lowell's amazing 3HR performance, and a pair of homers from Casey as well. Walker and Andruw Jones had nice weeks at the plate too. This team likely would've moved up even higher if it weren't for the 4 batters hitting below .200 for the week. Pitching: Has Hell frozen over? The Marx Brothers pick up a pair of saves from their cornucopia of middle relievers. Williamson and Hawkins each notched a save! Sure, this just brings them into a tie for last place in saves (as opposed to being alone in the cellar), but it's a start!
11	7	Maud Squad The good: Jim Thome started hitting home runs, slugging 3 HRs, with 7 runs and 4 RBI. Ibanez was a nice surprise too, with 3HR, 6 R, and a .364 BA. The bad: Vernon Wells batted .148, with a .392 OPS. Vernon needs to hit if the MS are going to rise in the standings. We got everything from this team's pitching for the week. A solid start from DuBose, an atrocious start from Buehrle, a nice pickup in Mitre, and an even better drop in showing Vogelsong the door! Ah, never forget the times we shared, Ryan Vogelsong (your terrible pitching, our laughing).....ah, memories!
12	11	Louisville Lean When six members of your batting order hit below .250 for the week, it probably isn't much of a surprise that your team drops in the standings. As for the pitching, Moyer and Benson got worked, and Randy Johnson's manager (in AZ, not the Lean) is an idiot, leaving the Big Unit in the game far too long. Oh, and Pettitte is still hurt.