Do you know what it feels like to see the light at the end of the tunnel, only to have a door slammed shut in your face? The build of excitement and anticipation, the twisting of your gut when you start to realize that small ray of light is slowly slipping away. A heart breaking loss like the University of Kentucky experienced at the hands of the University of Tennessee last year was the most emotional game of my life. It's hard to illustrate to someone who hasn't been there first hand, what it's like to experience such excitement only to have it crushed in front of your eyes in a matter of one half of football.
As a football manager, I go through the highs and lows of each season with the players and coaches. I spend everyday of the week at Nutter Training Center . I'm there while the players lift, putting away laundry. During practice I'm on the sidelines listening to the coaches yell and praise while shagging balls and dragging bags. When the players are in meetings preparing for the coming game, you'll find me cleaning helmets or setting up the locker room at the stadium. I'm actually at football longer than the players and coaches during the season. Usually by the time I get home I'm falling over my own feet, completely exhausted. People ask why in the world I would put so much of my time and effort into this sport, especially since I'm not a player. Well, the answer is really simple. I love being part of the game and I'm hooked on the adrenaline rush that I get everytime I'm on the sidelines.
The date was November 17, 2001. The game was expected to be a blow out. Tennessee was 7-1 coming into Commonwealth Stadium to play a 2-7 Kentucky team. I started out my day tightening helmets at the stadium at 6:00 A.M. Six hours later came kick off. I began the game without much hope. We had been so close so many times and failed; so I wasn't expecting much from this game. But whether we lose or win, I'm still expected to do my job and make sure that my coach, Defensive Line Coach, Tom Adams has everything that him or his players need. Armed with my dry-erase board and markers, I anxiously watched the teams take the field for what turned out to be one of the most heart-wrenching games of my life.
The first score of the game was a quick pass from Jared Lorenzen to wide receiver Tommy Cook with 9:28 left in the first quarter. I jumped up and down, yelling and patting the players on the back. My excitement was to build from here on throughout the game. My defensive guys did awesome the first half! They held the Volunteers to only two first downs the whole half. With every big play UK made (and they were numerous during the first half) my emotions soared with the roars of the crowd. I had goose bumps covering my arms after seeing the excitement of the players on the sidelines and hearing the yelling praises of the coaches as their own enthusiasm grew.
At the half Kentucky was leading the game 21-7. During half time I was so excited I couldn't stand still. It was so hard to believe that we were actually playing so well! I just knew that we were going to win this game and it would be a day that I would never forget. Well, I was right about the latter of my two believes.
My excitement slowly began to fade after a 48-yard pass to Kelley Washington from UT quarterback Casey Clausen with 8:21 left in the 3rd quarter. My excitement was slowly crushed from here on out as Tennessee slowly gained ground on my Cats. How could this be happening to us? How could we be letting this game slip through our fingers? Each time UT scored my heart sank but I still managed to hold out hope. After so reflection, I've decided that I was still on an emotional high from the first half.
Going into the fourth quarter Kentucky was still leading the game 28-21. Hope was still alive on the sideline. At this point I was so nervous I thought I was going to be sick. You know that feeling you get when you go on the Gravitron at the fair after eating a hotdog and chili-cheese fries? Well, multiply that by twelve and you'd be about where I was entering the fourth quarter.
I had to stay positive and continue to encourage the defensive players as they came on and off the field after each series. Players can tell if the people around them are losing hope and it's like a contagious disease that spreads down the sideline with each down cast look or wince at a play. Staying positive became harder and harder as UT continued to score and my own heart sank with each score.
With the game tied 35-35 with 2:49 left in the game my emotions were at an all time high. UT’s place kicker took the field to attempt the 44-yard field goal. I was so nervous I couldn’t bear to watch. Remember that feeling we talked about earlier? Well, add a milkshake and candy apple to your order and multiply by thirty-six. Had we come so far only to have a field goal seal our fate? As the kicker took the field I held my breath with my eyes squeezed closed as tight as I could possibly get them.
A roar came up from the crowd but this time it wasn’t the roar of the home team crowd. This roar came from the far corner of the stadium. It’s hard to describe the feeling that washed over me at that point. It was like being in an argument with a friend and having them unexpectedly slap you across the face. The feeling is a combination of disbelief, shock and disappointment. After the kick I just wanted to curl up under a bench and cry.
Our offense took the field again but they were unable to produce the score we needed to come out on top. There was some anticipation when they took the field but I knew in my heart that the game was over. I wouldn’t really let myself get excited again only to have disappointment wrap its ugly arms around me. We weren’t even supposed to have gotten this far but we did and instead of getting the sweet taste of victory we were all prepared for, we only got a whiff. I had to fight back tears as I slowly helped cleared the field. I’ve worked with football for 14 of my 19 years of life and this game is the one that stands out in my mind as the most heartbreaking.
Losing the game against UT was like having all my hopes and dreams, all of the excitement and the anticipation that had built up in me crushed in front of my eyes in the matter of two quarters of play. To me football is more than just a game played on Saturdays. It’s a way of life. In all honestly, I probably wouldn’t be in college if it were not for football. You see, I know the importance of education and I’m an intelligent person but I get bored with school and have no interest in most of the classes. I realize that I need college to have the life that I want but if it were not for football I probably would have already closed the book on my college career. So to some people football is just a game but to me, it’s the reason I’m here.
